Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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