I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
