I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
