It's Friday. Sex?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
