He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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