Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
