i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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