he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
