This girl is more easily done than said...
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
