It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
