tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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