how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i just sent this text using only my big toe
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
