Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
