What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
