I'm jealous of your bromance
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Randomize
