I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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