Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
