Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
