She is in my trunk
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I think I won the penis lottery.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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