Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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