he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I have so many feelings about this burrito
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
