Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
