If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
