I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
