I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I just got carded by a ten year old.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
