dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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