There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
