I hate your face
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
