his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
