i think my tv is drunk
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
