Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
