If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Randomize
