this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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