Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
