I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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