On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
