the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
The uberlube is also flammable
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
