Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
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