oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
