haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
