Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
