PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
