Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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