im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
