I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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