I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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