i was born a porn star she said
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
