I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
