Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
