My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
