loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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