been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
