Cold hands, warm shart.
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
