she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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