can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
