And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
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