I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I think my vagina is haunted
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
